Stanley Holloway – Albert And The Lion lyrics

He’d a stick with an ‘orse’s ‘ead ‘andle;
The finest that Woolworth’s could sell. She said “No, someone’s got to be summonsed!”
So that was decided upon. There’s ‘is cap!”
The manager ‘ad to be sent for;
‘e came and ‘e said “Wot’s to-do?”
Ma said “Yon lion’s et Albert,
And ‘I’m in ‘is Sunday clothes, too! So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid, and went into the zoo,
Where they’d lions and tigers and camels
And cold ale and sandwiches, too. Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son. You could see that the lion din’t like it,
For givin’ a kind of a roll,
‘e pulled Albert inside the cage with ‘I’m
And swallered the little lad – ‘ole! There were no wrecks and nobody drownded,
‘Fact, nothin’ to laugh at at all! And off they all went to p’lice station
In front of a Magistrate chap;
They told what ‘ad ‘appened to Albert
And proved it by showing ‘is cap. ”
The manager wanted no trouble;
He took out his purse right away,
Sayin’ “‘Ow much to settle the matter?”
Pa said “Wot do you usually pay?”
But Mother ‘ad turned a bit awkward
When she saw where ‘er Albert ‘ad gone. ”
Father said “Right’s right, young feller-
I think it’s a shame and a sin
To ‘ave our son et by a lion
And after we paid to come in. They didn’t think much to the ocean,
The waves they were piddlin’ and small. Now Albert ‘ad ‘eard about lions-
‘Ow they was ferocious and wild;
To see lion lyin’ so peaceful
Just didn’t seem right to the child. The Magistrate gave ‘is opinion
That no one was really to blame,
And ‘e said that ‘e ‘oped the Ramsbottoms
Would ‘ave further sons to their name. And Mrs. Not me! There were one great big lion called Wallace
Whose nose was all covered with scars;
He lay in a som-no-lent posture
With the side of ‘is face on the bars. There’s a famous seaside place called Blackpool
That’s noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr. ”
Pa said, “Am I sure? At that Mother got proper blazin’:
“And thank you, sir, kindly,” said she-
“Wot, spend all our lives raisin’ children
To feed ruddy lions? So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showin’ a morsel of fear,
Took ‘is stick with the ‘orse’s ‘ead ‘andle
And stuck it in Wallace’s ear. Now Pa, ‘oo ‘ad seen this occurrence,
And not knowin’ what to do next,
Said, “Mother, yon lion’s et Albert!”
An’ Mother said “Ee, I am vexed.”
They complained to the animal keeper
Who said “My, wot a nasty mis’ap;
Are you sure it’s your boy ‘e’s eaten? ” A fine little lad were young Albert,
All dressed in his best, quite a swell.